


Melava, Melana, Mahvir

by syrenpan



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Fenders, M/M, Solavellan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-07 16:32:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5463434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syrenpan/pseuds/syrenpan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story is part of my Advent prompt collection, 'Rings a Bell'. The prompts are issued every day up to Christmas 2015 by <a href="http://icantivan.tumblr.com/post/134213725440/its-first-advent">icantivan</a> on tumblr. However, I love this story and feel it deserves to stand on its one. </p><p>The prompt was: Advent Prompt #2 - Solas meets with the Spirits of Past, Present and Future</p>
            </blockquote>





	Melava, Melana, Mahvir

'Tears on her face, streaming, streaking. _Why now? What did I do to make him hate me so?_ Sighing. Sad. Sorrow. You sent her away!' Cole exclaimed, sounding surprised.

Solas closed his eyes and bit his lower lip. The wound too fresh to be touched, even by Compassion.

'It is done. Please leave it be,' Solas pleaded as gentle as possible.

' _Ar lath ma, vhenan._ But you love her.' Cole pointed out, unintentionally twisting the knife.

'Cole!' Solas snapped and immediately hated himself for it. Much softer, he said, 'Cole, please, not now.'

The spirit vanished and left nothing but emptiness which suited Solas just fine at the moment. He had to focus, had to be cruel to be kind. The Din'Anshiral awaited and he had to be ready.

No-one else spoke to him all day. He had expected angry threats or even malicious pranks but when no spiders or cracked eggs manifested in his bed, Solas understood that they were truly furious with him for having broken Ellana's heart. They were excluding him even before the final fight against the enemy he had unwittingly helped to create. He wished he could say it didn't matter.

'Focus,' he admonished himself as he climbed under the blankets. 'Focus.' And with the practice of millennia, and despite everything, it only took five breath before he entered the Fade.

A knock on his door woke him up after what seemed mere seconds. Had he misjudged his companions yet again? Or... would she come to him now? Steal into his room like she had so many nights before. 'No, she would be too proud,' Solas thought sadly, and loathed himself for wanting it to be her. How had he become so weak? He tried to sense who it might be but came up with nothing.

Another knock. 'Who is this?'

Instead of an answer, Cole appeared next to his bed. 'I brought someone who can help.'

Solas stared at Compassion. 'Cole, who is on the other side of that door?'

'A... he can explain it better.'

Warily, Solas slid out of bed and reached for his staff. 'Let him in, Cole.'

Compassion opened the door and a hooded man stepped into the room. He carried a staff and wore a black coat adorned with raven feathers. This was no ordinary man, but a mage.

No, wrong again. The stranger drew the hood back, revealing a haggard, haunted face. But his eyes, hypnotic blue swirls like a Fade storm, representation of great power that stirred a yearning in Solas' heart for what he had lost.

The word for what he represented only existed in the past, lost like so many other countless marvels, only to be replaced by misremembered memories and bold-faced lies. The lie that was an abomination. Such an ugly term for the beautiful unity, for indeed the natural state of all beings.

'I have read Varric's _Tale of the Champion_. I believe you are Anders,' Solas observed as the blonde mage looked around the room before he decided to take a seat in the only available chair.

'I will let you talk. Listen to what he has to say. I think it might change your mind,' Cole said and then stepped outside, closing the door behind him.

'I doubt that,' Solas said out loud but he was intrigued by the other's presence. Especially since in the book, Hawke had stuck a knife between Anders' shoulder blades and left him for dead. 'But I admit I am curious how you got here undetected, and why. I would say we are in the Fade if I wasn't sure that we are awake.'

For the first time, the other spoke but it was not the voice of a man, it was the voice of a spirit. Spirit voices had a distinctive resonance, an echo, a reflection of their true state of being, something that had the potential to be many things. 'Compassion found me and let me here through the Eluvian. A friend of mine had one in Kirkwall and I have found many more across the world since my wanderings began. Apart from that, I had a lot of practice moving around undetected in the past four years. When the world thinks you are dead, it is sometimes wiser to let it think it is correct. I am sure you can sympathise.'

Solas chuckled and shook his head. 'Yes. And I'm sorry for laughing, but it has been a very long time since I have encountered someone so close to what the world has lost.'

'Is that what we are? What I am?'

'Well, you are not of the People, and unlike the ancient elves, you have not been whole since you came into the world. Nevertheless, you carry the spark and you are effectively immortal.'

'And that is what you wish to bring back?' Anders asked.

Solas took a deep breath before he said, 'Yes.'

'Don't do it,' Anders replied firmly, and as he spoke, his voice changed to a pleasant but mortal range and the blue light of the Fade vanished from his eyes to be replaced by an ordinary brown.

'Don't do it,' Anders repeated, now looking for all intense and purpose like any other human man. He looked older than he probably was. The blonde beard and hair streaked with grey, locks twisted and matted into dreads that reached below his shoulders.

Solas could feel that the transformation had also drained the joy of meeting someone so close to himself in nature. How curious that something so superficial could have such a deep impact? Wasn't he himself proof enough that one should never judge a book by its cover?

Out loud he said. 'I made a grave mistake and it is my responsibility, my duty, to correct it.'

To Solas surprise, the other man snorted, 'You sound like Sebastian.'

Solas knew from the book who Anders was referring to but decided to ignore it and asked instead, 'My people, no, the whole world was ripped apart by what I have done to protect it. You are a healer, are you not? Would you not seize the opportunity to give a dying being its life back if you could?'

Anders seemed to be lost in thought before he answered, each word pronounced carefully and slowly. 'I once thought the same. I had to change the world, right the wrong, be the sword of Justice and free the mages. I didn't see it that way back then but I know now that deep down I wanted to be the next Andraste, leading the slaves to freedom. Just as you did not cast the Veil to protect the world.'

'How would you know...' Solas started but Anders interjected.

'It was a long journey, Compassion and I had a lot to talk about. You might tell yourself you did it to protect the world but in your heart, you know that is not true. You did it for _her_.'

Solas leaned back and said, 'Ah, yes, I see what you mean. However, although Mythal's death was the catalyst, she was not the reason. The Evanuris were destroying the world. They had to be stopped.'

Anders cocked his head at him. 'Is that really what you are telling yourself?' Solas was about to speak but the other man was answering his own question. 'I suppose it is easier to paint yourself as the tragic hero against impossible odds than to face the fact that you were an avenging lover. It sounds less... petty.'

Solas could feel the anger starting to rise in him. In his youth, he would have already ripped this insolent human's head off but with age came wisdom and patience, although, Anders was chipping away at the latter. 'Why are you here?'

'Compassion asked me to tell you, to show you that although you would consider me whole, my life is empty. For all I have accomplished, I am not whole and I feel no pride. I feel nothing. I carry a void inside of me that grows larger with every day. I am not whole because I turned my back on the one I loved, and now I have the blood of thousand of innocent people on my immortal hands. An eternity of torment awaits me.'

'To save millions! There are always sacrifices in war. It is a heavy burden, believe me no one understands this better than I do. Maybe you haven't lived long enough to understand his yet. I wish I could tell you it gets easier with time.'

Anders shook his head. 'I sought to free mages from slavery and look what they have done with their freedom! All this chaos and in the end they are now talking about re-establishing the Circles out of their own free will. I have accomplished nothing other than death and destruction. I am forever the villain in this story, and forever alone. Do you want to be alone forever?'

Solas sighed, 'I know what must be done will be my undoing and it is only fit if the prize is that our people regain what I destroyed in an act of desperation. I would not have Ellana see what will become of me.'

'And how do you think the people who survive your mad plan will feel when they realise that for their “wholeness”, their parents, their lovers, their children, all the civilisations of the world had to be slain? You won't be around – again – to take the blame because I have a feeling that you are indeed planning to end yourself. What a noble and glorious sacrifice, Fen'harel!' Anders spat sarcastically.

Something inside Solas grew still and very, very cold. 'Go. Go back to where you came from unless of course,' he gripped his staff tighter, 'you wish to stop me.'

'I can't die. Not even the Taint can claim me now,' Anders reminded him calmly.

'There are worse things than death,' the elf replied, waiting for an attack that never came. He had meant it as a threat but realised too late that he may have reinforced Anders notion that existence as an immortal was worth than a death sentence.

Anders chuckled mirthlessly, 'I said that once to him, and it turns out I was correct, at least that one time. But I was wrong in so many other things.'

'If Hawke had truly loved you, he would have at least offered to help you, instead he stuck a blade into your back.'

Anders looked up at the elf with a furrowed brow, 'Hawke was not my lover.'

Solas blinked, slightly taken aback. 'My apologies, I didn't mean to...'

'Fenris. It was Fenris.'

Solas frowned at the other. 'Then Master Tethras is even more of a liar than I thought he was. If my memory serves me right, he wrote the Tevinter slave hated all mages and you in particular.'

Anders sighed, 'Yes, he did.' The elf was about to say that this made no sense when the other continued, 'Until I changed his mind. It took a great deal of effort but I'm sure you understand that no sacrifice is too great if you truly love someone. So, I changed his mind, and his heart, only to break it because I thought I had to be cruel to be kind. I thought I had to protect him. I turned my back on him because I knew he would stop me and put an end to my plans. I thought I had to change the world by myself and I chose the worst possible way to do it. With him by my side I might have done things differently.'

Finally, Solas understood what Cole had tried to accomplish by bringing Anders here. It was kind in a way and some of the things the other had said echoed in him but it changed nothing. He looked again at the creature he had initially thought of as a kindred but now he could see the cracks and flaws. Most likely a human mind was simply not build to coexist with a spirit. It only reaffirmed his theory that all but the People would perish in the chaos to come.

'I am sorry that you had to make this long journey but, please, go in peace,' Solas said calmly, indicating the door.

To his astonishment, Anders simply shrugged and said, 'I gave it my best shot but who am I to give a god advice? I am after all just an immortal fool and murderer with no hope of redemption. Take a good look, Fen'harel, like it or nor, I am your future.'

Instead of replying Solas opened the door. When Anders drew level with him, he turned his head, eyes blazing, and the voice of Justice said, 'Tonight you will be visited by three spirits.'

The elf raised an eye-brow. 'I often have my friends come and visit me in the Fade. Which three exactly?' It was meant to be sarcastic but Justice had no sense of humour, 'A spirit of the past, a spirit of the present, and a spirit of the future.'

'I have not heard of spirits representing time as such so this should be interesting. Good-bye, Anders.'

The human mage carrying Justice in his mind put up his hood and stepped into the night without another word. Solas watched as the figure blended with the shadows and disappeared as if he had never been there at all.

The elf closed the door and leaned his staff next to the bed. 'This changes nothing,' he said and pulled the blankets over himself. Before sleep claimed him, he murmured, 'Elgar'Melava, Elgar'Melana, Elgar'Mahvir? Din'Dirthara!'

'An interesting choice,' was all Solas said when he saw Abelas approach; or to be exact, the spirit who had taken on the form of the ancient sentinel they had encountered in Mythal's temple. Despite his protest, Solas had not entirely dismissed the possibility that Anders or Justice had spoken the truth.

'I am Past,' the spirit announced, just as Solas had expected as soon as he had appeared. 'Come, we have much to see.'

'What if I say no?' Solas asked, not that he would. This was a completely new experience. There was no way he would not want to explore this but it was not in his nature to be a follower. 

Apparently, the spirit knew that as well. 'You won't. But if it makes you feel better think of me as a guide, not a leader.' 

They walked through a fog so dense Solas could not make out his feet when he looked down. He sensed the spirit's presence and the direction they were headed in rather than seeing where they were going. 

When the fog lifted they stood in a forest. Trees so tall it would take at least ten people linking hands to circle a trunk. The emerald canopy grew so high up, it looked like a green sky with sunlight twinkling like stars between the leaves. 

Solas jumped when a young elven woman, her face adorned with Vallaslin, ran straight at and through him followed by a handsome young elven man with long brown dreads. Self-consciously, the mage rubbed his hand over his bald head and shrugged with a wry smile when he saw Abelas watching him with a frown on his face. 

His younger self had caught the girl around the waist and playfully wrestled her to the floor. They laughed and kissed, tearing at clothing as they explored each other with hands and lips. 

Solas turned away form the scene and said to the spirit, 'This is a private moment, we should leave them be.' 

But Abelas did not take his eyes of the lovers and replied, 'You don't remember what happened. Watch!' 

Reluctantly, the mage turned his gaze back to his younger self. The girl had wrapped her legs around his waist as he entered her, both moaning and laughing. Solas felt like a pervert old man but suddenly his gaze was drawn to a tiny spark not far from the couple. 

It started as a small light that dissolved into mist. The cloud grew and grew, a shape forming rapidly, the shape of a woman, tall and proud. Solas gasped as he recognised her. The memory now forming in his mind at the same time as he watched it unfold in front of him. 

'Well, well, what have we here?' 

The lovers screamed in surprise. The young woman pushing at her lover, who quickly moved back from her. Both staring in surprise and fear at the elven woman, even the gleaming sunlight reflected on the surface of her golden armour paled in comparison to the piercing light in her eyes that seemed to see everything. 

'My lady,' the young elven girl whispered, throwing herself on the floor in front of the other woman's feet.

But Mythal ignored her, she only had eyes for the young man who was still staring up at her. 'Is that how you greet your queen?' 

Solas younger self cocked his head and after a few heartbeats, shamelessly stretched out his legs, leaving nothing to the imagination. His arousal had waned but he was still flushed and panting heavily. 'Good morning, Lady Mythal,' he said politely which stood in stark contrast to his posture.

The corners of the queen's mouth twitched as if she tried not to laugh before she turned to the girl, still prostrating at her feet. 'Go back to the palace, tell the matron to punish you accordingly for abandoning your chores.' 

Without another word the young elven woman obeyed, snatching her dress off the floor and ran into the forest, leaving Mythal and Solas alone.

'You have some nerve, seducing my servants, distracting them from their work. You know these girl's have sworn an oath not to lay with anyone until they have passed their final test and thus mastered their craft?' 

The young man gave her a cocky grin and said, 'Of course, or else it wouldn't be fun.' 

'Brazen brat!' The queen shouted as she lashed out with a magical whip that should have caught the young man across his naked chest. But where he had just sat, seemingly relaxing on the floor, was just empty air. Instead Mythal felt his warm breath caress her ear as he whispered, 'I like a challenge.' 

Abelas said, 'This was your first meeting.' 

He knew that of course although he had forgotten the details over time. Solas remembered now what would happen next. He would taunt the queen with the insolence all youth with too much power possessed. He would even challenge her to a contest, one she would win easily. 

Half the forest lay in ashes before the fight ended. However, instead of breaking him, Mythal would say as she stood over his prone and beaten body, 'I have been watching you for some time. You need guidance, young one, or your power will be your undoing. You have the gift, but it needs a gentle hand.' And with that she would extend her gauntlet and pulled him onto his feet. 

'I...' Solas younger self coughed, 'I will not be your slave.'

She laughed again. 'No, you don't have the temperament for it. I am asking you to be my student.' 

They looked at each other amidst the carnage until the young man finally said, 'I accept.' 

The scene faded into the dense mist from before. Solas could hear Abelas say, 'You remained by her side for a long time after this.'

'I know, I was there,' the mage replied sarcastically. 

Abelas did not seem to notice as he continued to tell Solas his own history. Fleeting images appeared in the clouds around them as the sentinel continued the story.

'When you finally left her side, you had gotten the attention and admiration of all the once who would be known as Evanuris. You returned to Mythal from time to time and especially during time of war. The student became her ally and trusted friend. You saved countless lives together, favouring shrewd words and clever plots over brute force.' 

Solas did not respond. The words were innocent but they made his heart ache as they tore on old scars that he thought had scabbed and healed long ago. 

'And over time, friends became lovers.' Solas tried not to look but his eyes seemed of have a will of their own as they watched Mythal holding him in her arms, kissing him, watched as their bodies joined as their souls had joined long ago. He watched as the lovers slept and an ever jealous husband watching them from the shadows. Elgar'nan had not looked kindly on Mythal favouring Solas over him.

Of course when you live forever the thought of only having one lover seemed preposterous. The joining of flesh was a fleeting pleasure but Elgar'nan saw a rival for power in Solas and thus regarded finding him in his wife's bed as a direct challenge.

When all attempts to drive a wedge between Mythal and Solas failed, Elgar'nan began to poison the Evanuris against his wife. He spread lies and hatred, stirred the others' lust for more power until the world plunged into another war. 

The fog cleared and another scene unfolded in front of them. 

'No!' Solas exclaimed and turned on his heel but Abelas stepped into his way. 'You need to see.'

'Not this, I can't.' 

But Abelas did not relent. 'You had left her side although she had asked you not to as the war was at a critical stage. However, you had retreated to your valley, gathering your forces when this occurred.' 

With horror Solas watched as Mythal walked into a trap set by Elgar'nan and his allies. Someone howled in anguish as they tore her apart with their combined power until not even ashes remained. When the scene faded, Solas found himself kneeling on the floor, tears falling as he mourned her again. Grief gave way to anger and he screamed then, unleashing his power on Abelas who blocked the attacks best he could until the sentinel lay defeated on the ground, and laughed. 

Some semblance of sanity returned and Solas cried angrily, 'Why are you laughing?' 

Abelas chuckled. 'You just made my point for me. Without her, your power is wild and destructive. You need a gentle hand to steady your heart or else it will bring nothing but despair.' And with those words, the spirit of Past vanished, leaving the elf alone in the mist.

Solas looked around but there was nothing, nothing at all. He felt cold and drained. The Fade had not tested him this much for quite some time. He tried a breathing technique to calm and centre himself, and just when he had regained a semblance of control, he could hear footsteps approaching. 

'There you are,' called a familiar, cheerful voice. Solas closed his eyes and groaned. 

'I've been looking all over for you,' the ghost of the Present said. He was the spitting image of Dorian Pavus, down do the last rivet. 

'Whatever it is you have to say, say it now and be gone,' Solas commanded firmly. There was no way he was going to endure another round of emotional anguish with Dorian Pavus standing by, looking smug. 

'Oh, I am not going to say anything. Just step this way, please,' Dorian said courteously and bowed slightly, perfectly manicured hand indicating the direction.

Solas jaw ached from clenching his teeth as he decided to do what the spirit wanted if only to get this over with more quickly. He took the first step and was startled as he stood in the middle of Ellana's room. 

The fire in the fireplace had turned to ambers. A single candle burned on the nightstand. The Inquisitor was lying on her bed on top of the covers, she was still dressed in the same clothes she had worn earlier this afternoon. She didn't cry, she just lay on her front eyes fixed onto the closed window. 

She cried out as the mark flared when Solas and the spirit entered the room undetected. 'You started all this,' she said accusingly, staring at the flickering green light. 'You are what drew him to me in the beginning, so tell me, what is it he is running away form now? I know he loves me as I love him. What is he afraid of?' 

Solas was surprised to say the least. He had expected tears, heartbroken anger, maybe denial but again she showed him that he kept misjudging her as she had shown him in the past that he had misjudged all the creatures in this strange world he had created. In the beginning he had thought of them all as broken, unfinished things, tools at best and beasts at worst. Until he had met her. 

'They are alike, don't you think?' Dorian whispered, standing too close for Solas' liking. The elf took a half step sideways to create more distance between them. He knew of course that this was a spirit but the uncanny resemblance and the habit of spirits to take on the traits of the person they were mimicking, made Solas skin crawl in this instance. 

Instead of answering he countered with his own question, 'Why are we here?' 

'Why do you think?'

'I already know I broke her heart,' as it broke my own, he thought but didn't say it out loud. 

'He will just push me away now if I go looking for him, be it in his room or the Fade. Creators, does he not know that we need each other now more than ever?' Ellana asked her hand as if it could provide her with all the answers. 'How can someone be this intelligent and so fucking dense at the same time?' 

Solas huffed. 'Can we go now, please? This serves no purpose!' 

'Oh yes, it does. You need to listen to her because contrary to your impression, she knows exactly who you are,' Dorian said, and corrected himself by adding,' Well, maybe not the whole ancient rebel god angle, but she has a talent for seeing through people's bullshit and liking them anyway. That's probably why she is my best friend. Well, that and because of my obvious charms, of course.' 

Solas shook his head and simply turned to walk away but Dorian held him back. 'Take you hand off, right now! Spirit or not, I will defend myself.'

Dorian took his hand away, held it up, and even stepped backward but before the elf could walk away from him, he said, 'Solas, this woman is not just my best friend. She is also yours, and you know it. She is not frail, she certainly doesn't need to be protected. Maker, she is going to face down one of the Magisters who breached the Golden City, and you know what, she is going to win. There is nothing in this world or the Fade she would not do for a friend in need, and you do need her Solas. You might like the image of the lone wolf, Fen'harel, but you know what, wolves need a pack to succeed. All a lone wolf ever achieves is to go feral, he becomes a scavenger and then gets killed once someone stronger comes along. And there is always someone stronger in the end. But you know all that, don't you? What with you being so clever and all.' 

Solas had listened with his back turned, and he did not turn now when he said, 'I do know. But I have made up my mind and I will walk the Din'Anshiral. It's the only way. Now leave me be.' 

The room vanished as did the spirit. Solas found himself back in the fog although it seemed darker now. 

The air grew colder. Solas could see his breath and he shivered. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. And out of the darkness came a growl he could feel with every fibre of his body. The earth shook beneath the feet of a great beast that came closer with every heartbeat. 

Solas turned, staff ready and stared into the maws of Fen'harel. A giant six-eyed wolf towered over him, blood smeared around his snout, its breath stank of death and decay. 

'You are Elgar'Mahvir?' Solas asked, forcing his voice to remain calm. 

The wolf nodded. When it spoke it sounded like a snarl, 'I am your future.' 

'What do you want of me?' 

The beast turned it's head, the fog parted and revealed a dead world. The sky was crimson, flickering with lightning. The earth was black, the rivers were overflowing with blood, demons were fighting each other in the distance. They were the only sign of life. 

Solas stared at this hell and said, 'No, this is nothing but a projection of my worst fears. This is not what is going to happen.' 

The wolf barked. 'Oh, but it is. We tore down the Veil and the world burned. Spirits and the living suffered from the shock. Those who didn't die outright, perished in the aftermath. For without the Veil, they returned and they were furious. But they were no match for us. There was no-one who could stop us. One by one we devoured them, snapped their bones and drank their essence. Their tainted power filling us to the brim. And so we rule the world where spirits and demons for all eternity re-enact the last battles before the living parted forever from this world. Behold the glory that is Fen'harel.' 

'No. No! That is impossible. It shouldn't happen this way. It wasn't meant to happen this way,' Solas protested, he watched in horror as the demons tore each other apart, only to reform and do it all over again.

'This is your future. I am your future, Fen'harel,' the wolf laughed and howled with joy as Solas screamed.

It was quiet in the darkness of his room. Solas was soaked in sweat, the blankets twisted around him, trapping him. He had to get out, he needed air. 

Solas all but fell out of bed and ripped the door open. Ellana was a dark outline in front of the rising sun. 'Solas, I...'

He pulled her into his arms and held her close. 'Forgive me, vhenan. Please forgive me. There is something I need to tell you.' 

'Solas...'

The sky exploded and the mark flared. Ellana screamed in agony. 'Help me to the war room, please,' she said between clenched teeth. 

'Vhenan, I need to tell you...'

She pressed her forehead to his and whispered, 'Tell me when the day is done. I have a Magister to kill.'

The End

**Author's Note:**

> [Elven Language in Dragon Age](http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Elven_language)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Din: not or isn't  
> Dirthara: learn, seek truth.  
> Elgar: spirit  
> Mahvir: tomorrow.  
> Melana: time.  
> Melava: time, past tense. 
> 
> Din'Dirthara = Bah, Humbug!


End file.
